Analyzing to Inspiration

I am the kind of person who puts a smile on my face to fool the world on thinking that I am made of steel and that nothing can get me down. Sorry world, that isn't true. In fact, I get down really easy and it happens fast, lasting FOREVER not relenting. I have had to fight this everyday since I was a child, thinking that this was normal and the thoughts that went through my head on death and how it is not so bad and a million different ways to experience death was a normal thing that people think of. When I was around 13 I was told that is is not a normal thing to deal with and that I have clinical depression.

Since that day I decided to fight harder then I have been doing to show my family that I am okay and that I do not need to take a prescription that I might one day become dependent on it. (I am also one of those people who do not like to become a dependent on things or people)  So I decided that I will forever pretend that I am okay! Lying becoming my strength, when I was asked are you okay?

Over the curse of time I began to erase all emotions so that I would not feel new pain or sadness. I did pretty good for the most part, only allowing feelings of the moment to show then, when it was expressed it would then die and the feeling of emptiness would then take it's place. It was working till one day I found that I did not kill all my emotions and that there still emotions that I can still feel opening me up to more feelings then I knew! And no matter how bad life gets I will never forget or regret that moment in my life for now I know what those feelings feel like and can now write/act them out when I need to!

In my ups and downs I still fight for my dreams on becoming a famous actor. But, I have been losing the battle as of late for all the emotions that I found I have had hidden in me are coming to haunt me. Many voices are telling me things I keep trying to push away but nothing is working. And slowly, I started losing this battle.

Now over the last few days I have found a manga/anime that has helped me find the motivation I have been looking for! Skip-Beat!

Skip-Beat is about a High School aged girl who put her life on hold for someone she loved and supported him in his dreams of becoming famous by becoming a workaholic. After finding the truth about how he feels and how he only asked her to go with him to Tokyo so that he could use as his own house maid. Upon finding this out she shut off her emotions and decided to become a celebrity to get back at him.

Being persistent she makes it into the auditions for becoming part of LME and gaining a talent. The president of LME seeing her heart and the hidden potential that recedes in her makes a program for her to be in so she can find the emotions she lost and become an actor that he made from scratch!

After some time in the program she finds that the reasons she wanted to become a celebrity no longer applies but is now a bonus for her! Seeing now that the reasons for her staying in LME is because she if finding herself every day she is there, feeling the freedom that acting gives!

There are times when she is down and doesn't feel like getting up but through the help of her friends and the inspiration she can find through her enemies she finds the strength to stand again and to do even better!

As I read/watched the series I saw me in many ways, the killing of emotions so no more pain can get in, the hunger to find oneself, smiling even when she feels like dieing, always trying to please others, pretending to not care what others think of her but caring what those she cares about think of her. In so many more ways I see myself in this young girl and seeing her story and how she has her set backs but over all she comes out on top of it all gives that push I have been trying to give myself on achieving my dream!

がんばって!

DIY - Beds

So I am in the process of redecorating my bedroom and Started looking into bigger beds because, lets face it, 2 LARGE cats + 1 small cat + me = not enough room. So as I move into a bigger room I have started looking into bigger beds.

As I looked around debating what size bed I should get I started to see strange and cool beds and thought I would blog on my findings!

This was one of the first few beds I saw online. I was under "ZEN". I am sure one could get a good night sleep in this bed, it would be like being rocked to sleep every night! Although I can see myself waking up in different parts of the room every morning and with cats? They might have a shorter tail or missing a few toes... XP

This bed I found YEARS and years ago when I was looking up beds for when I moved out of my folks place... Oh, those pre-collage days. I believe that this bed was also under the word "ZEN". 

Compered to the other one I WOULD sleep in this one, it is so unique and modern! *Note: I usually do not like modern things.

I saw this one first and thought of Lord of the Rings and the woods of Lorien and Galadriel who lives there mostly because it is white like all the White Birches that were in the movie.


 I thought it was REALLY cool  and would love one if it wasn't so flat and then this other one popped up a little later.

But after a some time I found the ideal bed for me! This does not however mean I am going to go out and by one, but if I see one for a great deal then yeah, it will be in my room the next day!

 It is simple and elegant, with dark wood and shear curtains that hang in the way I would like. It does not need a box, so I would save money on that and a bed skirt would hid the wood around the bed but could be used if wanted. I would, however like the top to have a hump and not be so strait but I think that the way it is would work in ANY room!

The ones that follow are some other random beds I saw with my thoughts about them when I was looking for a bed!

Arr!

Cool, but to many places for me to hurt myself when I get bruises from the wall.

I would feel like I am sleeping in a coffin or the start of a pool.

I think there are too many people in the house if these 5 beds are needed!

Would of love this as a kid! I would so put my kid sister in the one that goes under the bed! lol

For those with limited space! More comfortably then the futon!

Sailing anyone?

Cosplay - Rinoa Heartilly (Final Fantasy 8)

I love coming up with ideas on how to make something from nothing or from very little. I also LOVE to act and play 'dress up,' but that would be why I' trying to make it into show biz. But that is another story.


So here it is, another cosplay idea. I had this one come up when I was planing Maka from Soul Eater, Rinoa Heartilly from Final Fantasy 8 (for the org. PlayStation system). I just didn't want to post this just after I did one for Maka, but time has passed and I feel like I can put it up here now!

So here it is, my Step-by-step plans on making Rinoa!

Step 1: Taking care of the easy things!

         a) Necklace, this I would find a chain (thick) and put on it 2 rings as the charms.
         b) Black Top, I would use one I have (tank or spaghetti strap top) and use black thread to gather the center to give it the "Heart Shape" cut.
         c) Arm Band, find some scrape black fabric (or black ribbon) and make it a foot long to start!
         d) Black Shorts, buy a pair Black Biker Shorts @ Wal-Mart.

 

Step 2: Putting the sowing machine to work...or my needles/hooks!

        a) Arm Warmers, I could buy some at a store but I would like them to match the jacket/shrug. So, making them out of socks? Only if I can find some that will match the jacket/shrug. So here are the 2 ways I am thinking on making them!
           1; Sowing, How to Make Arm Warmers (YouTube)
or I would by the fabric and just sow around the top & bottom edge a elastic band. -_-
           2; Knitting/Crocheting, Knitting Pattern Central (mittens/gloves) or Crochet Pattern. (Really these paterens I think are useless in a small way, I would use them to see how much I need in yarn.) A simple K2P1 would work and just do that til you think it is long/wide enough!

c) Skirt, here I would just buy the fabric measure waste, hips/but, and length to were I think it should fall. Add 1-2 inch for the length and the width give it a nice fish look and add buttons/button holes! (Sounds easy, right? We shall see!) Note: ALWAYS try things 1st on scraps!

b) Jacket/Shrug, To match the Arm Warmers I would chose to...
    1; sow the thing to the "Shape" I think it should be and wing it like I will be doing with the Skirt or go and find a pattern... <_<
    2; Knitting/Crochet the thing to (again) the shape I think it should be and put some binding around the edges to I can get the tie/button thing to work out!

Step 3: Extra time?

So here I find myself at the end of making Rinoa come to life, the last few steps are now the simple touches to make her closer to the game! The wings, I was thinking that I could add the white yarn into the blue (if I go that wrought) but then I thought maybe I just might take a thing a bleach and dab it with into the design on the back. Or is I sow the thing, I would do the same thing with bleach or I would sow on one. Not really sure on which way I like most or is the more simple!

 

Will update this post when I get myself started in making it!